All Of My Days
by upquark
Summary: Change is difficult. But not impossible. Nearly always necessary - and full of hope, too.


Change can be unwelcome, sure. But it can be pause for reflection and hope for the future, too. Notes:

For FearTheSpork.

Song is Alexi Murdoch's All of my Days. /Y-VQXTN1m60 Seriously, pls listen - the story makes so much more sense tonally :-)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

[ ~ ]

The drive up the coast was uneventful, as so many other things weren't. Had never been, really. Not for him. Or her. Them together.

But they were.

Together, that is.

Finally.

As for what comes next, well. He'd never known. Not really, despite his best efforts. But 'next' covered a lot of distance. And the short term 'next' surely ought to bode little pleasantries, if he did say so himself. He had great ideas.

Sometimes.

He was learning self-awareness after all.

 _(sometimes)_

Lucifer smiles over at the sunshine that's graced his darkness as she tucks windblown strands behind the soft shells of her ears. They leave the highway behind for a quiet road, then a sloping approach to a small house nestled between dunes of sand and bougainvillea. The driveway's gravel crunches under the tires as he slows. Then stops. He watches her as he gathers their overnight duffle in one hand and feeling his gaze, Chloe beams right back at him as she unloads the cooler from the boot of his car.

It's early in the day.

Plenty of time.

Food prep in the little beach rental's kitchen begins with only the two of them, giggling and jostling each other like children. It only gets more raucous as they are joined by more – one actual child (Trixie) and one in spirit (Ella) escorted in by Dan. Vegetables are chopped, watermelon seeds are pinched at one another, cookie batter whisks are licked and tossed flour dances within the slants of afternoon light pouring through the windows. Even Dan's sadness lifts a little as his impish daughter dabs a touch of melted chocolate on his nose. He folds her in for a hug and the soft chair he's chosen in the corner cradles them both.

The look he and Chloe share over their child's head is full of strength through loss and pain and rebuilding. She smiles her quiet smile at him. The one that means no matter what, in ways both new and old, they'll always have this. Their family, together.

He smiles back, finally. Sighs and tucks Trixie closer in to himself. Lays his cheek upon her soft hair and closes his eyes. Despite the coltish legs and bony elbows she fits easily, allowing herself to collapse into the peace of being his little girl again. For the moment. After Charlotte, she knows he needs to feel like he can protect someone.

Chloe crosses the room to lean and brush quick kisses gently over both of their heads.

Outside, Lucifer feels Ella slip her hand in his and squeeze as they watch the little tableau through the window near the grill out back. She is uncharacteristically silent and her eyes are full and glossy as she tips her elfin face up to him but she smiles, too. He tilts down to bump his nose on her forehead then eases the moment by threading two bamboo skewers through her hair like devil horns.

She laughs and the sound is bright and beautiful as the light sparking off the water. Because she knows. As they all do. And after all his fear, he'd been delighted to discover that it didn't matter.

That it never had?

That it was the ****who**** of him, not the ****what**** that was so important to the ones he loved. Who loved him back in turn.

A particularly sweet breeze brought an errant flower petal to brush his cheek and Lucifer softened despite a history of long ire.

He grasped this silent message carefully between talented fingertips. Maybe what he was ****had**** never mattered. Not to anyone. Just who. And his ever-vigilant construction of himself scaffolded his learning and re-learning of the simple lesson.

Perhaps Amenadiel was right after all.

Even as his heart pangs at his brother's absence, the thought warms him as the flames of Hell never have.

Fingers still interlaced, he and Ella turn in unison when they hear footsteps clunking up the bowed, salt-cracked steps of the deck and their grins refresh at the symmetry they see.

Maze and Linda; a demon and human ascend hand-in-hand as well. And their smiles are well matched, as are the sweating jugs of iced tea and lemonade they carry with them.

The found family of humans and otherwise bring different things to the table (as all of us always do), and they sit down together to enjoy everything they've made. For one another. To share and give freely.

Dan raises a glass tumbler and a heavy bead of condensation runs down over his thumb as a single tear does his cheek.

"To friends both near and far away."

There is soft murmuring from the others at the table, but the melancholy is washed away by the bustle and strum of life and conversation, much like the tide rushing in over the shells behind them. The sound of their voices rises and falls, joining the chorus of the world as the wind and waves provide the backdrop for this finite verse in the song life everywhere sings.

The lemonade he's chosen is tart and refreshing, much like this little snap of time they all have together. And for once, Lucifer does not miss the velvet barbs of alcohol in his mouth. This tang - of friendships new and ancient, losses and loves – more than fills the moment.

It is over too soon, of course. But one ending has always ever meant beginning for something else. As the light changes and the sun slips away beyond the horizon, kisses and hugs are exchanged, cars packed and goodbyes said. Lucifer and Chloe are left alone under the brightening starlight with only the pounding of the surf and their hearts.

He brings her down near the water's edge and lays his head in her lap. The sand is cool and soothing underneath him, accommodating all his hard edges easily and he wonders why he ever disliked it.

Perhaps it wasn't the sand at all. Perhaps it never had been.

He breathes deeply and the incongruous scent of salt and flowers is an easy balm for hurts long railed against.

He's never felt allowed this. Peace. To be able to choose a refuge this way and he looks up to her to make certain it's still his to ask for.

He needn't have worried. She's there, as she's ever been even when he could not see. She's smiling and runs one hand through the curls the wind has untamed. Strong and gentle both, and Chloe's ever been that as well; especially with him. He smiles back, catches her hand and presses it to his mouth.

They both shift slightly to look up at his stars.

"I wonder what will come next," he muses softly, his voice nearly lost behind their folded hands and the rhythm of the surf.

"We'll just have to wait and see to find out, I guess."

He brings their hands, still together, to rest over his heart. The one he wanted to be rid of because it had borne only wounds for ever so long, but has learned that capacity to be matched by joy as well. Not easy pleasure, no. Not simple bliss.

That isn't life; no matter mortal or otherwise.

But the salt of pain lacing through the sweetness he feels only makes him more aware of how precious it is.

And it gives him strength. And words.

"Well then darling, wait and see we shall."


End file.
